out of all of the summers of my life, this has been one of my most favorite. being 20 years old for almost a year has been an experience, to say the least. i'm no longer a teenager, yet i cannot drink (legally), and at heart i sometimes feel like I'm 8 years old and other times i feel like i'm 80. in the summer of 2018, i planned to come home for the entire summer, but ended up spending most of it back in the Springs. this was mostly due to being in a relationship, and I felt torn that entire summer between two places i called home. this summer, however, i gave up an internship opportunity to come home and be with my family. 9 months was far too long to be away from the people i loved most in this world, and if i've learned anything in the short 20 years i've been alive, it is to always put my family first. i knew that this was the last summer missa would be living at home and we could be together before she went to college. my cousins were growing up so fast, and i needed to be around for this. my grandparents were getting older, and i wouldn't miss talking to my meme and papa for anything.
that has been one of the best parts of this summer: spending time with my grandparents. the stories they tell me, the wisdom that is injected into every conversations, the love that i feel from them is incomparable. i went to my papa's 50th class reunion and got to hear about his life as a child and how he grew up. these almost seventy year-old people talked about how they had been married for 50 something years and i sat back in my chair feeling extremely inexperienced, yet invigorated. i knew in that moment that i had so much to be excited about and an entire life ahead of me.
i had a sleep over with my 11 year old cousin, Lella, and i realized how big of an influence i was on her. i felt so humbled that a little girl looked up to me so much and marveled at everything i did. i talked to her about how important self love is, and how she would experience pain and heartbreak in her life, and love and uncertainty, and i felt like i knew a lot more than i thought i did. i also realized in that moment how great of a mother i would be someday. in all truth, i was the one who was completely enamored and in awe of Lella. she had come closer to death than most people ever could imagine, and she was still the most exuberantly lovely little girl you could ever meet. she is really something special and i hope so badly that she always recognizes that.
i got to work in the fields all of May and June, planting hemp for my dad, under an extremely intense sun with my sister and my cousin, Doyle. we talked and laughed for two entire months, and i realized that we were all grown up. i remembered Doyle's first day of kindergarten, when i fixed his hair into a mohawk, and helped him brush his teeth. he texted me one day after work about advice on how to ask a girl he liked out, and my heart sank as i realized that this sweet boy that i loved so much was no longer that sweet little boy i had grown up with; he was a man, and the best man you would ever meet. i knew that boy would treat every girl he ever met like she was the Milky Way and he was just another one of the stars in the sky. i credited his character so much to my aunt and uncle, two of the most amazing people in my life, and of course my sisters and i, who taught him how to respect a woman.
i've spent everyday studying vigorously for the LSAT, because i realized exactly what i was meant to do and what i was good at: helping people and arguing. i knew i would be such an incredible criminal attorney, and so working to achieve this goal was so satisfying.
i have been able to spend every single day with my best friend in the entire world/ little sister, and i truly do not think i would trade that for anything in this world. i wake up to her across the hall from me every morning, eat breakfast with her, run and play soccer and lift weights, talk about deep subject matters, cry with her when we are hurt, and laugh with her more than we both breathe. i will never forget this time i'm spending with her before she goes out into the world and touches every person's life in such a special way as she has done mine.
i get to stay up late talking with my mom and laying out in the sun with her and i realize how similar we are and how happy that makes me. i get to see my dad, my hero, everyday after he comes home from a long day of working for our family. his hands have calloused and dry from working from dawn until dusk, and i feel so much love for this person that i cannot ever begin to explain it.
i realize that this summer is the type of summer that even though everything around me in my life is rapidly changing, some things will never change, my constants, the people i love more than my entire being can ever possibly fathom.
as i prepare to go back to college, i won't forget to think about where i came from and who helped me get here.
