it’s tuesday and it’s raining
my limbs move beneath me, ever so slowly, softly.
the lull of a rainy tuesday morning makes my bed feel like a plush cloud of dreams
a comfort that the world cannot provide me right now or ever. should i ever leave?
will i ever love again?
i can see the moon better than i can see the sun
why does it stare at me?
daring me? analyzing me? admiring me?
& in the mornings i sometimes think of all the arms that have held me:
some loosely, not tight enough
some so tight i could barely breathe
i breathe deeply and hold myself just tight enough
i wonder if i will ever let someone that close again
yet, i am in the state of loving again
perhaps i’ve found the greatest love of them all
myself
i love the things about me that i used to hate
i am a spec of dust, made from the same matter as the stars
i deserve my love before anyone else
on days when the sun doesn’t shine like today, my internal sun shines brightest
i love that strange feeling in the pit of my stomach that i used to dread
reminding me of how powerful my emotions are
my vulnerability
my tender heart that contrasts with the hardness of my head
a mind so unwavering that it terrifies me and leaves me breathless at times
i sometimes wonder if the two were meant to be together?
a heart so fragile and a head so impenetrable
to love without remorse is not weakness
maybe this is the most puissant thing about me
i love with my eyes closed, without fear of the future,
like sending it down a mountain covered in snow that came from the sky on 2 inches of plastic
surreal, dreamlike, unearthly
ready to fly, soar
it is magic to feel this alive
right here, right now
it’s tuesday and it’s raining.
