in order to bloom

i always find myself writing at the most peculiar times: when i wake up in the middle of the night and start to think about absolutely everything, driving in the car when i'm also thinking about everything and have to pull over to write, in the middle of a staff meeting at work. i can't turn my thoughts off or choose when they run rampant, so i usually just go with it. this is a very raw post. i think most everyone has found themselves at a low point in their lives, and i have found myself in this place many times; i'm no stranger to pain. i've been through more in the past few years than i ever thought possible. to avoid getting into specifics, i will just say that there have been really high highs, and really low lows. there was a time in my life when i was so depressed that i couldn't move my body from my bed for a solid week. these were the lows. i feel like if i never share or admit that i've experienced this, that i can't truly appreciate the serene state that i find myself in now. it has truly been a process to find this JOY that i now am acquainted with, and i, of course, had to learn the hard way. there are a few important takeaways that i live by: never let someone steal your joy, is the first. my mom used to say this to me when i was sad or upset, and i started to internalize it. if you don't give someone the power to hurt or upset you, then they can't. this doesn't mean you won't ever hurt, but it will give you strength when these times do come along. the second takeaway is: never let your happiness depend on someone or something. this is one of my favorites. whenever i thought i could find happiness in a relationship or a materialistic belonging, i soon found that this was a fleeting sort of happiness; it never lasted. instead of searching for happiness in someone else, or in an external, i search for it within. i loved myself first before i ever let myself even think of loving someone else. you have to have a deep self respect in order to find true happiness. the third, and by far the most important, is: don't let the positives pass you by. so often, we focus on the negatives. we are stressed about school or work, we didn't do well on an exam, we are having conflict in our relationships, and we let ourselves writhe in this discontent. instead of letting human nature take over, and stressing or worrying about all of the negatives that happen in our lives, take time to relish in the positives. if you can see the good in your day, or in any situation, happiness will naturally come. i've always tried to have the first thought of my day be a positive one, and i've found that this can determine how the rest of my day will go. give yourself time to celebrate positivity in your life, no matter how small it may be. i too have bad days, and feel sad or stressed just like anyone, but i never let it take over my life. having a positive outlook can sway circumstances drastically. sharing these few takeaways, i hope, can help someone else who is experiencing struggles or hardships. i've had strongholds in my life, people who have always remained, that lift me up when i can't lift myself. my family, my sisters, they are the consistent anchor in my life that i turn to when everything feels unbearable. my spirituality, God, knowing that there is so much more to life, and that there is something greater, that others' problems are much greater than my own, has been one of the greatest understandings i have come to know. my friends, some i have known my entire life, some i have known for a short time, are daily happiness boosters. find these people in your life, but find yourself first. no one is alone in dark times, and everyone goes through things that can break them, but if you use these lows to create even higher highs, you will be an untouchable source of joy.

“THAT PEOPLE TOO MUST WILT, FALL, ROOT, RISE IN ORDER TO BLOOM”