'everything was beautiful and nothing hurt'

i feel more distant than i ever have from writing, which also means that my creativity has been stifled and put on the back burner lately. This stops now.
So, who knew being a 20-old-girl would be extremely toilsome? Nothing is more uncertain in my life right now, and I know that at any moment I could make a decision that would completely change the rest of my future. I find this burdening, yet exhilarating. I'm making mistakes and learning; I'm getting lost (a lot) and finding my way back; I'm happy and I'm sad. I'm excited for what the future holds, but I'm also utterly terrified. I can feel it in my bones that I was put on this Earth to make a deep impact; whether it be small or large, so that is what I set out to do.
I don't believe I have ever felt more certain of my calling. I feel as though I have found the one thing that will give my life so much purpose and meaning. I've always been passionate about being an activist and creating change, but I wasn't sure what career path would lead me to this for a living. One morning, late this past spring, I woke up and I knew that I wanted to be a lawyer. I had dreamed about it, thought about it until my mind was perplexed at the possibility of not attaining this goal. Ever since then, I've been on a mission. I've studied for the LSAT more than I've breathed in the past few months. I've stayed up late researching court cases and law schools. It has been a long time since I've felt so enraptured by a possibility.
I'm the type of person who, once my mind is set on something, I will stop at nothing until I reach it.
Something that has forever changed who I am is watching people I love hurt. I could have something terrible happen to me, but it will never measure up to the heartache I feel when someone I love has been wronged. Some of the people that I truly cannot live without have been wronged in such a way that it has directed my career path to study criminal law, specifically specializing in rape and sexual assault cases. Basically, I want to put rapists in prison for the rest of my life. I want to look into the eyes of a victim, and promise them that I will stop at nothing until the person who has hurt them is behind bars for the rest of their lives. Even though this evil exists, I find comfort in knowing that I can help these victims, usually young women, move on with their lives. I know that this will be the most rewarding, and at times, the most difficult career path. However, I have faith that if anyone can do it, it's me.
Even though I have a goal I'm striving for, this time of my life can feel very uncertain at times. I still struggle with being away from my family, every single day. My little sister, my best friend, my whole world, just went to college. My life is rapidly changing; people are coming and people are going. I've found more peace and happiness in the past few months knowing that I'm living intentionally. I'm incorporating "Ahimsa" as best I can into my everyday life.
This is a Buddhist tradition that means "respect for all living things, and avoidance of violence towards others." This tradition is the reason why I want to help those who have experienced violence or wrong-doing. This means through mind, body and soul.
With this tradition in mind, I've began to reconstruct negative thoughts so that they are more positive. I've recently become a vegetarian again so I harm less living things. As much and as often as I can, I'm trying to be the best person I can possibly be. With that compilation of scatter-brained thoughts, I'll end with this:

I've never been more alone, on my one, as one, in my entire life, but I have also never felt so entirely whole. I can feel myself growing, blooming every single day. This is all we can really ask of ourselves.