forgiveness

we talked about forgiveness in my love & rhetoric class the other day. i sat in my chair, ignoring the class conversation, contemplating forgiveness, as per usual. the teacher always eventually asks, "what are you thinking, Joy." eventually, i fabricate a sentence that i think makes sense, but probably really doesn't, and everyone stares at me for a couple of weird seconds. i really went into that class (which is 3 hours long) thinking that forgiveness was sort of bullshit, and then i left the class (3 hours later) mentally forgiving everyone i felt has wronged me. i thought that someone shouldn't have to forgive a person if they (the person who wronged me) couldn't even recognize that that they had done wrong by me. However, my professor, who is insanely woke, always hits me with a shockingly beautiful statement that makes me question everything i thought i knew. She said, "perhaps forgiveness isn't meant for those who have wronged you, but rather for you to let go of hate that is weighing you down and not give them the power to hurt you any longer." As i am quite literally quaking in my chair, i knew she was right. so i did just that, i forgave. i forgave those who have hurt me so deeply that its changed my chemical DNA makeup. it took me a few hours to truly forgive certain people, but i did it.
later that day, i climbed a mountain (it was small). at the top of the mountain, i detached this hurt and pain from my body and i walked, sorta fell because it was icy, back down that mountain (literally). i realized how much power you can take back from some things that are so painful so as to not lose yourself in the process. it is okay to feel, to grieve, to not be okay, and to take your time on a path to forgiveness, but ultimately, it really does help you heal completely through.
i feel irrevocably stronger now that i am not letting certain people/circumstances make me feel angry, hurt, or altered in any way.
i was still hurt, i am still me, just with a little less unnecessary and metaphorical weight.

p.s. i linked the album that i listened to while writing this post below. :)
https://open.spotify.com/album/2vQc4bkSmLXHvtPFUgMT39?si=9kK7WlNFR1mNsare5zdyjg