someday you'll be dead

this is by no means a morbid post even though the headline might indicate otherwise. this is what skylyn and i say to each other all the time when we are debating whether or not we should do something, like go to a concert, or go out late on a Tuesday night when we have homework and class the next day. i have truly learned from the best, because she has been the most epic role model i could ask for. she's been a college basketball player, track STAR, national champion, graduate student with a 4.0, yet there isn't anyone else in the world that i know that lives as fully as she does. we live for experiences, and for memories that we cannot forget, not the externals. when sky looks me in the eyes when i'm uncertain about a decision and says "someday you'll be dead" it puts everything in life in perspective. is this morbid, scary even? absolutely. but it couldn't be more true. yes, there is homework, class, work, and so many other priorities, but i will never want to look back on my life and realize how many opportunities or experiences i missed because "i was tired" or "i have homework." there is no greater priority than living life to the absolute fullest, and not getting trapped in the lull of society. i've been doing a lot of thinking about this, when i come home at 2 a.m. and do homework for another hour, to be exhausted the next day, but feel so alive. there is always a way to complete all of the daunting tasks that hang over your head, without sacrificing your freedom, or without sacrificing the best parts of life. i will never regret a single night when i went out instead of staying in. you have to push yourself to the absolute edge to feel the most alive. i have surrounded myself with people who feel the exact same way, and because of it there is never a dull moment. i think there are certain people in the world who feel content with going through the motions: waking up at the same time everyday, going to class, work, making lists, sticking to a schedule, and then going to sleep just to repeat it all over again the next day. if you live like this, then you never even lived. then there are certain people who have a war within them, and they need to experience everything life has to offer in order to be content; these are my kind of people. i cannot listen to excuses for "why not" someone should live their freaking life.
we have a sticky note in my office at work that my friends wrote on that says "if you had 24 hours left to live, what would you do?" this question has mustered up plenty of existential conversations, and we always come to the conclusion that life is the most fragile part of the entire universe. so often we hear "life is so short" and many other things to this extent, but do we act on them? listen to what these people have to say. listen to people who are approaching the end of their life, because i know they would tell you to do exactly this. it's also truly the only way we live.
i want to literally scream at people who are going through the motions, not taking risks, and playing it safe, because this is the saddest way to live and the biggest waste of time. we are all going to exceed our time here some day, and when that day comes, and you take your last breath, you won't regret living this lifestyle. this is the only way i've been able to seek control -- when i'm completely out of control. not everything in your life needs to be orderly and neat. sometimes the most beautiful scenarios happen when we are living and not just existing.

I was always an unusual girl
My mother told me that I had a chameleon soul
No moral compass pointing me due north
No fixed personality
Just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide and as wavering as the ocean
And if I said I didn’t plan for it to turn out this way I’d be lying

Because I was born to be the other woman
Who belonged to no one
Who belonged to everyone
Who had nothing
Who wanted everything
With a fire for every experience and an obsession for freedom that terrified me to the point that I couldn’t even talk about it
And pushed me to a nomadic point of madness that both dazzled and dizzied me
-Ride monologue, Lana Del Rey

-Ben and Christo's sticky note