feel it all around

i have spent my entire life loving so hard
that it hurts,
that it destroys me,
that it changes me,
that it alters my entire existence,
and I finally realized that i am so grateful that i love this deeply.
the moment i meet someone i almost immediately find five endearing things that i can appreciate about them or five things that make them different from someone else. Instead of constantly apologizing for loving like i do, or feeling everything so intensely, i realized that the people who love me also love this about me. i've spent my whole life apologizing for being the person that cries at movies that aren't that sad, or the person who gets equally or even more sad when someone i love is sad. but this is what makes me who i am. i cry in the middle of a concert when the beat drops or when my sister crosses the finish line in her race or my other sister scores a soccer goal, because i recognize these beautiful moments, moments i will never get back, so i let myself feel them entirely. i know that anyone who recognizes this about me is someone who truly gets me, and someone who also loves equally as deep. The other night when i was upset, one of my very best friends looked me in the eyes and said, "that's why i love you Joy, because you love so hard." it's taken me 21 years, but i've finally realized that the people who truly love you, and the people who are meant to love you will recognize what makes you who you are, and love you that much more for it.
there is an entire universe vibrating inside of me, and that's okay.